Mums

A few days ago, I reluctantly asked my mom to be more careful next time she washed my clothes because some of them were dry clean only. Hence, the cashmere wrap around scarf that she ruined a few nights ago.

Her response, in Chinese of course, "you are so lucky, you know, to have a mom that does everything for you. My mom died when I was 15 and it was so sad growing up with out a mom..."

That stayed with me for a while that day. I realized that I really do need to appreciate her even if I never asked her to do any of my laundry. Funny how little things make me think so hard and interesting how much I tend to forget about important facts unless they are said to me.

Uninvited Past

Sometimes the past comes back to haunt us every now and then. At times, memories come up that we try to forget and leave by the way side, things that we are perhaps not so proud of.

Just a year ago, I was one emotionally unstable and vulnerable person. I had always felt that in order to be happy, I needed something or someone beyond my self. I always felt a void and I pretended that if I let it linger on, it would be able to heal itself with time.

It hit me hard today that I did a lot of foolish things in my past that I don't commend today - being uncontrollably violent and unyielding to people I claimed to have loved. Although none of my vulnerability and anger was unwarranted because I didn't believe that anyone truly cared for me, I wish that I knew how to communicate my feelings in more effective ways.

Having the past creep its ugly head at me unexpectedly isn't easy but it certainly allows for epiphanies. I am so glad to have realized that I have grown so much within this past year that the person I was in the past is almost foreign to me now.

I am so grateful for everything I have now. I am so fortunate to have realized that my own independent being is capable of achieving a sense of security and happiness. I have found so much joy and inner peace contributing my time and energy into worthy and meaningful things - from finding joy in class, getting to know friends more, running the lake again, to spending time training with my dragon boat team. Even more grateful am I to have found an extra exponential amount of happiness from being with someone who feels just as confident and content being independent himself.

Thank you for bringing out the best in me for those that have been close to me this past year. I'm not going anywhere but UP from here on =)

Update

Since its summer, I thought I'd lighten up the mood of this blog a little bit. Yea, I know...its in dire need of content.

Gratitude List

This my gratitude list to keep me sane at the moment. I feel so overwhelmed by everything, not necessarily negative things, but just having so many obligations all at one time is really making me feel flustered. So here is to staying positive =)

I am thankful for...
1. chocolate caramel swirl from Peets
2. caring sisters and parents
3. Being able to graduate on time
4. Vegas - oh how I love your buffets.
5. How I Met your Mother - Barney for implanting truth amongst humanity, Lily for teaching me what not to be, the scary resemblance between the aspirations of Marshall and mine, Robin for making it okay to be a hot tomboy, Ted for making me believe that committed relationships and all that gibberish is plausible.
6. Being able to use all my senses.
7. Having the best partner in the world, I appreciate you so much. Everything about you is perfect for me =)
8. "how sweet it is to be loved by you" The Temptations
9. Having my first real summer soon - no classes, no nada.
10. Having genuine, interesting, and supportive friends around me.
11. having a fast metabolism, because I should be obese by now if my appetite purports to my weight.
12. Bella, the way you roll over on your back before I even approach you to hint that you need a belly rub.
13. Gummy vegi and fruit vitamins
14. SPF lotion
15. Avocado smoothies
16. Past mistakes - no regrets, everything was a learning experience
17. Waking up early in the mornings without an alarm
18. The feeling of not being sick, after a week of being sick. Being sick really sucks!!! Breathing never felt THIS good.
19.

... the list goes on and on but I have to resume my paper writing now.

Another Walk Home

Before I become lethargic to write this blog due to the million and one distractions I have and will encounter, I feel the urgency to document what I have witnessed about 15 minutes ago.

Right now, someone is gushing blood from their head probably from being pounded onto the cement ground or being bit by a masculine dog. I can't recall, it happened too quickly.

I was walking home from class as I was approaching the telegraph and hasting when I immediately noticed two people (one female, one male) running after another male as a result of some type of heated argument. They were regulars from peoples park, dressed in hippies clothing. The guy was eventually caught up with and the female and males simultaneously punched the third person. The man was clearly retaliating but was continued to be dragged on the ground. Out of no where, a huge dog runs towards one of them and starts jumping over and biting them. It all happen so fast and didn't seem to want to end. I don't take sides to this situation since I obviously don't know the reason for why they fought, but it is apparent to me that they are all victims of themselves.

I felt a rush of emotions, I was sickened at the sight of the beatings, afraid of what was to come next, and confused as to what to do about it. Here I am standing 1/4 of a block from them with the rest of the passer by's who seem just as shocked as I was. Then there was one guy who called out, "please yall, don't call the cops man...",to the people walking by, as if he was helping both parties, nonchalantly and with a smile. There were a few people who gave a chuckle and said things along the lines of "are you serious?". How could someone laugh, let alone smile in a situation like this?


It just didn't feel right in my guts. I remembered seeing a cop parked on the sidewalk on the previous block, so I ran to him. Finding myself out of breath I said to the middle age Asian officer, "excuse me there's a fight happening on the other corner". He gave me a expressionless glance and said "I'm on my way" as he waits patiently behind a red light so he can make his car around the one way streets to make a full circle around the block. I walked away feeling a bit unsure about what I just did.

By the time I walked back to the scene, one of the guy was already swaying and walking along side the gates of an abandoned lot, holding his head as the fore and side of his head was gushing with bright red blood. He was obviously hurt and had a few of his friends walking next to him trying to tend to his wounds. I stand there for a few seconds fixated at his physical weariness. At the same time, the police officer finally pulls up on the corner but stays in his car.

This encounter today made me feel heavy hearted about the whole issue. What is there to do when you see someone violently beat another person almost to death, while a spectator / peer citizen tells you to essentially not do anything about it? It makes me think about a number of things. Firstly, it makes me think about how difficult the role of law enforcement agents are because if I were to see what I saw today everyday as part of my occupation, I would become indifferent and hardened as well. But more importantly, this particular officer has just reaffirmed to me the ineffectiveness of their roles as neither preventive nor responsive agents to crime.


Maybe I'm being too idealistic and peace loving? I don't know, but I sure hope not.

Row row row your boat...

Lately, I've been dreaming about paddling. Just three more weeks until the So-cal college race on May 3rd. I am so excited to go out there and give it our best. We put in too much hard work this semester to come home empty-handed.



Longer, Stronger, harder!